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10 Things I Learned That Helped Me Grow As A Person, Because It Was Also What Made Me Happy

We all have different paths on growth. Some people learned their lessons as quickly as they’ve committed their first mistakes, some do after a couple of years.

I was part of the latter.

I learned most of my lessons SLOWLY, and I still keep learning them until today. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a firm believer that perhaps, I can still project my expected result even if I keep making the same decision that went wrong the first time around. I wanted to keep proving myself wrong. I wanted to prove to the universe that I’m capable of making my life “okay” on my own using my same, old routine. I kept doing it so because I hated change so much. I hated going out of my comfort zone, and I hated changing what I already was accustomed to do.

What a stubborn, little ram.

I don’t know what was wrong with me back then. I felt like I wasn’t learning all my lessons. Just like this incident one year ago with a fuckboy who screwed me over severely, I was only able to learn self-love and self-respect after six years. It took me a really hard lesson to figure that out, and if only I wasn’t so stubborn all those years, I could have been saved an ounce of trouble back then.

Well, everything happens for a reason, though.

Despite all those hard lessons and slow recovery, I was able to see, feel, and witness growth without realizing it. Along with it, I realized what the truest essentials of being happy are.

So, here are the top 10 things you do when you grow because trust me, it constitutes happiness:

 

1. You avoid negativity on purpose

When you’re growing up, you avoid too much drama already. You don’t engage in petty fights, you don’t involve yourself over people you know aren’t essential to your growth, and you try to detach yourself from toxicity as much as possible.

I’ve learned this when I stopped ranting and posting on Facebook. I used to rant petty things on social media when my ego was either stepped on, my heart got broken, I found something funny, or when I was trying to diss someone who has wronged me.

I’ve learned that silence is the best revenge because when you show people you’re neither affected nor aggravated, you find peace of mind.

2. You want to keep learning

You realize you don’t want to depend on a single skill. You realize learning how to do things on your own without depending on anyone works far better. And you realize sticking to your comfort zone and not going out of the box will make you feel restless.

You will start to hate stagnancy. Because you want to keep moving, and you want to keep moving to improve yourself.

I am the type of person who loves learning a new skill, and I’ve had this mindset about “learning” things my own instead of depending on anyone. I hate it when work doesn’t get done because of people’s work ethics. This is the main reason why I’m efficient working alone than with somebody.

Because of this attitude, I also learned how “learning” is essential for your growth. Because when you have no one to depend on, and when you get left out eventually, you have your own.

And when you know a lot of things yourself, you avoid stagnancy. You avoid complaining about what to do next because, for you, it already has been done.

3. You’re always honest about yourself and how you feel

You no longer try to impress other people to like you. You care less about what others think about you, and what their opinions about your life are.

You know that being honest with yourself and how you feel is the best way to get to know you better, and to get to know the things that would actually work for you either.

4. You acknowledge your mistakes

You acknowledge every inch of mistake you’ve done in the past. And you learn from them.

You know that knowing all of these will help you better yourself. That, acknowledging all of your mistakes will help you become a better person. You’re also mature enough to understand that sometimes you can be the toxic person, and this is one in many ways a way to improve yourself while learning.

5. You accept your flaws and your shortcomings

So what if your teeth are not perfect? So what if you have stretch marks, unlike those young adults who have perfect waists? And so what if you’ve had so many guys fooled you because they thought you weren’t “good” enough?

When you learn to accept your flaws and your shortcomings, you learn to love yourself for who you are. You start shying away all of your insecurities because you know you can leverage them. And you stop hating yourself for what you think you lack.

Remember, a person’s strength may be your weakness, but you also have a strength that makes them their weaknesses. You just have to leverage these weaknesses to become stronger… and unique.

6. You leverage your weaknesses to become stronger

As mentioned, this may sound like a cliche, but this is also one ticket to growth.

When I realized that there are things that I cannot change about myself, I knew I can always use them as an inspiration to become better for myself instead. Just like this personal example for myself. I didn’t know how to cook back then, and I’ve always envied people who are good at it. Some started a business out of it, and some were LOVED because of it.

Instead of doing the same thing immature people do like backstabbing their success or sabotaging things they couldn’t have, there I was learning how to cook step-by-step. Guess what? People loved my very own Spicy White Tuna Pasta. That’s the very first time I learned how to cook on my own. It’s just a recipe I improvised from a recipe I found on the internet. You can read more about that here.

Another instance was when I knew I have PCOS (meaning there’s a huge possibility of me not having a baby), and my Saturn is in Pisces on the 7th house (meaning I would have a lot of hardships in long-term relationships and partnerships – which I have). I knew there could be a possibility of me not ever finding my true love in this lifetime, but here I am, writing all my crazy experiences in love and in life at an early age of 22, trying to make sure not a single mistake I’ve ever made was wasted. If I get to “inspire” people of my stories, they’d know what to do or avoid for themselves the next time around.

Honestly, it’s all about the mindset, the maturity, and well, “growth.” Although this thing sometimes causes me anxiety and depression, I still know how to make use of it the right way.

7. You learn to be happy alone

You find peace eating alone in restaurants or food chains that involve people staring at you with judging eyes. You no longer care about people thinking you’re lonely, or that you need somebody.

You find peace in your independence, and for you, it’s the happiest thing ever. Not because you don’t care about being judged anymore, but because you learn to not depend on anyone but yourself.

8. You keep humility intact

You no longer brag about your achievements on social media. You no longer try to compete with anyone who tries to rain on your parade. And you love yourself enough to celebrate even your worst enemies’ or the-people-that-hurt-you’s success.

You’re always humble about what you get and achieve in life. And instead of celebrating it for your “job well done,” you celebrate it by thanking the people who were a part of it.

9. You smile always

When you’re always smiling, you show everyone the strong person you are despite the struggles. When you’re always smiling, you make everyone, even people you meet on the street’s, days. When you always smile, you embrace positivity with big arms, and even if life keeps telling you to suffer otherwise, you always know how to pick yourself up by just smiling it all off.

Learning the art of emotional intelligence (EQ) is really a hard skill. It was something I had a hard time learning before. When you do so eventually, you’ll figure it has a lot of good impact on your life. Plus, it influences other people’s moods. You’ll somehow light people’s days just by showing a good mood.

10. You love people, even at their worst

When you love people at their worst, you understand their situation even when they hurt you. Sure, you’ll get mad at them for treating you so poorly along the way, but you’ll realize how it makes a difference if you just love and understand them on their situation.

Not all people have the capacity to be mature. I’m not saying I’m all mature enough – I still have my fair share of immaturity, but when you start to grow as a person, you heal. You take care of yourself more. And you’ll learn what’s essential to be happy.

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Catcalling and Misandry: Here’s How Catcalling Affects Women

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Photo credits to Google

Being a man-hater is a chosen attitude some women bagged in firmly with their lives for a couple of years. It is not just because of the failed relationships they always had, not just because of inequality issues, but also due to the consequent catcalls they get from walking on the streets. For some, it is out of bitterness that men who wouldn’t commit to them had them yearning for the false hopes they give, exposure to misogyny like the constant rape news we always see on TV when we were younger, and a long list of personal past experiences, so to speak.

According to Anthony Synnott Ph.D. of Rethinking Men, misandry is the hatred of men, or more broadly, the hatred, fearanger, and contempt of men. There are several levels, dimensions, and causes of misandry which we need to separate, though they tend to be all stirred up and muddled together in any given discussion. Most women fall under the category of the personal experience, in which Dr. Synnott claimed, “deep-rooted in our culture.”  He said that misandry is likely to be grounded, like misogyny, in bitter personal experiences. Many women say that that they have had unpleasant personal experiences with men: fathers, brothers, lovers, co-workers, bosses etc.; and he supposed that we have all been hurt by members of the opposite sex, and by members of our own sex too; however, to extrapolate from a minority to the general is surely unfortunate, even if understandable.

Since misandry and androphobia – the irrational fear of men – has taken its toll to the now known as “feminists” and bitter girls that have had their hearts broken, I thought of self-studying about the psychology of how men resort to this. I kept researching about “Why men act this way and that”, and found the answers through personal experience. That is, by being one of the boys – by being friends with them.

Observation-wise, I think most – not all, MOST – men lost the art of chivalry when pornography rose as a social norm; that being exposed to misogyny like the rape-role playing scenes present in porn are all natural things to do with girls in the act of intercourse. Maybe that’s the reason why feminists, advocating Women Empowerment, came to existence because chivalry, itself, already ceased to exist in this generation. For some women, they fear men because of being constantly catcalled.

A certain woman named, Maxine Mae Liwanag, posted a rant about what she truly feels on her Facebook Page regarding being catcalled and was published for an article to serve as the voice of women. According to Kicker Daily, she honestly said she feels scared and annoyed at the same time every time someone catcalls her. She asks, what should she do; [and] what should women do to stop men from harassing them.

Another account from a New Yorker named Danielle Page confronted every man who catcalled her for a week but didn’t end well. She said that,

“When you’re a woman [in] living in a big city, catcalling very rarely shocks you. Inevitably, it becomes an ever-present part of the background noise of the streets we walk down. We know it’s there, we hear what’s being said, but we keep moving in the hopes that the words somehow won’t touch us if we get far away fast enough.”

We can’t stop men from what they think or view of us, especially that we don’t have the same mindsets and line of thinking as they have. Sure, not every guy you meet in the streets are the same, but the fear intact in your mind gives you the stereotype about what guys we encounter would do; hence, the hatred – and the phobia.

Despite the fear ever evolving in society’s vicious system of inequality for both men and women, I happen to enjoy the company of men for some reasons. I learned a few things that made me wiser regardless of people’s judgments. For instance, you’d know if they’re in love with the person they’re dating when they open up to you, or if it’s just another booty call they don’t want to prolong. You’d know it by their gestures, on how they respond to a woman who regularly texts them with or without feeling something, and/or if they’re up to changing the rules when playing chess because they oftentimes just want to play games and enjoy the show. Don’t get me wrong, though. NOT all men are the same, that’s why I am having this testimony.

Being friends with boys (or men, in particular) would give you an evaluation; a hint or an idea of what they have in mind. Just as I do, I knew what my guy friends are up to when they’re at the bar chilling; making an impression to the girls they’d want to hook up with just by observing them and how they share their filthy senses of humor with me. I can already attest to what’s behind their way of thinking based on the impression some women give them, too. Perhaps, these women are not worthy of their respect, or if they were the first ones to make a move. Regardless, a man’s behavior is also based on what is shown to him, as they are polygamous by nature – they grab the bait, nonetheless.

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Confessions of an ADHD-er: The Truth Behind The Brain Disorder

“Over-analyzing” sometimes ruins everything. Your thoughts aren’t coherent, you do random things according to your senses, you’re irritably overthinking things out of impulsivity, and even become moody about some things normal people don’t. What makes it even more depressing is that the thing itself gives everyone an impression of “it” being a mental incapacity. Truthfully, it isn’t. It’s one product of ADHD.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder or ADHD is a brain disorder marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development. It has three signs and symptoms that make up for it which are inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

I have ADHD and it was only in October 2015 when I found out and confirmed I was an ADHD-er. I can always remember how kids at my former hometown hate to play with me because I was super hyperactive, always intending to ‘destroy’ things I ‘thought’ should be destroyed, impulsively running to and fro; away from my nannies, even my dad (my father would always compare me to a remote-controlled doll that once put on the ground, would automatically run as fast as she could away from him).

This caused me having minimal to no friends in childhood, thinking nobody liked me because there was something ‘wrong’ with me.

It was just recently when I figured, it’s all about my brain disorder.

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Photo credits to Google

ADHD possesses three multi-factors that creates its overall functionality. Inattention, for one, means a person wanders off task, lacks persistence, has difficulty sustaining focus, and is disorganized. These problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension.

Several findings state that, if an ADHD-er appears irrationally happy-go-lucky, it most of the time makes his hyperactivity. This is when the person seems to move about constantly, including situations in which it is not appropriate when it is not appropriate. They also excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, it may be extreme restlessness or wearing others out with their activity. Another manifestation and proof that one has is his impulsivity.

Impulsivity is when a person makes hasty actions that occur at the moment without first thinking about them and that may have a high potential for harm, or a desire for immediate rewards or inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may be socially intrusive and excessively interrupt others or make important decisions without considering the long-term consequences.

Regardless of the aforementioned facts I wrote here about having ADHD on the downside, the cons would always have its pros and its perks. For instance, having ADHD means your brain functions faster unlike the ordinary. When you feel so slow sometimes, that is because you are over-analyzing things based on the facts you know, and your brain is functioning too well that even a dumb joke would play as if it was meant to be analyzed. This happens all the time because you will always stay rational about the things around you.

Aside from having a Virgo rising, my ADHD makes me the person who analyzes a lot and has capitalized on it to help people with their massive essays, even debate speeches, and academic paper writing. I don’t know, but this also made me love reading and researching. Since I’m also passionate about writing, I leveraged this part of me that eventually turned out to be a so-called, ‘business‘ in college. ?

Insane, right? I know. ?

The undeniable power of ADHD also includes out-of-the-box thinking, humor, drive, and the passion that it brings to the ADHD-er. Moreover, people who have ADHD tend to have “hyperfocus” which means they focus very intently on things that do interest them, and at times, the focus is so strong that they become oblivious to the world around them.

There’s nothing inherently harmful about hyperfocus, so to speak. In fact, it can be an asset. Some ADHD-ers, for example, are able to channel their focus on something productive, such as a school or work-related activity. Others allow themselves to hyperfocus on something as a reward for completing a dull but important task. Ultimately, the best way to deal with hyperfocus is not to fight it but to harness it.

“If school or work can be made stimulating, it will grab focus in the same way,” says Kathleen Nadeau Ph.D., a psychologist in Silver Spring, Maryland and the author of ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life.

Personally, when I get too pumped about doing something I’m passionate about, I actually never cared about having less sleep, or no sleep at all. That’s when my ADHD comes striking me. It’s always making me extra hardworking, especially when I love doing what I do. However, if I’m less interested of what I’m doing, I end up procrastinating… because I have no interest in making them happen at all!

… except when I’m really obliged to.

Hey, this led me to do a few, awesome things in life at an early age of 18 and counting! I was able to do them thinking I never would in a thousand years. Not being a braggart or anything, I was just thinking about being passionate about my craft, excelling in it and, and slowly improving it. I was able to do that during my early teenage years and I’m still hung up on that up to this day! I just feel like it was a miracle. ?? You can read this on my Autobiography part of my blog here. The password is thehobbyistpost96.

People with ADHD, according to one account, tend to have many creative talents (usually underdeveloped until the diagnosis is made) and a highly original, out-of-the-box way of thinking. As highly intuitive people with a special “feel” for life, they can possess an almost “sixth sense” that lets them see straight to the heart of a matter instead of having to think it through methodically. Since impulsivity is one of the core symptoms of ADHD, it stands to reason that people with ADHD are more creative than their non-ADHD counterparts. And according to Nadeau,

“Many scientists, writers, and artists with ADHD have had very successful careers, in large part because of their ability to focus on what they’re doing for hours on end.”

So don’t be bothered or “alarmed” if you think you also possess the disorder. This is also the reason why you’re special.

This is why an ADHD-ers’ passion is located at the heart of their brains. The perks of this disorder are the “genius” behind where ADHD-ers’ masterpieces come from. Some people I know are not ashamed of it, so don’t you ever do either. Be happy about it.

This is not a spin control nor is it an effort to paint a rosy picture of the potentially disabling side of ADHD, though. Prisons, drug rehab centers, unemployment lines, divorce courts are full of people with undiagnosed, untreated ADHD. But there is also a “gifted” side to ADHD that packs the power to propel the child or adult who has it to success, even greatness. It’s all about tapping into the “mirror traits” of the negative symptoms associated with ADHD, which can become amazing assets.

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How Music Has Something To Do With Nostalgia

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Photo courtesy of Google

Music has been a great part of our lives. It comforts us during the rainy seasons and even when we feel like loathing for a recent breakup. Without music, the whole world would be plain and boring.

According to Psychcentral.com, music unquestionably affects our emotions. We tend to listen to music that reflects our mood. When we’re happy or overjoyed, we dance and enjoy ourselves to some upbeat music. We express our happiness by dancing to dubstep mixes perhaps by DVBBS and Borgeous. Sometimes, if we’re mad or angry, we consume ourselves with some dark rock music that reflects our level of anger. And whenever we loathe or sulk in during the cold stormy nights, we listen to sad and slower music to understand and interpret the lyrics and its meaning as if we relate our whole lives in it because to tell you, the whole world of reality lacks one thing: A Background Music.

Kidding aside, most of us love music or simply just loves to listen to music. If you take away music in a musically inclined or a music lover’s life, you’re like locking away a man on a white room with white walls and white ceilings for a month. Who else wouldn’t go crazy from that? Silence is deafening!

When we choose what to put on our playlist, we always make sure that the melody is either danceable or catchy, and the lyrics be relatable or both. That’s the reason why we often tend to give our friendships, relationships, and even an important persona theme song. Eventually, they are what we remember whenever certain songs are played on the radio, until we couldn’t get them out of our heads even after months or years have passed. Talk about the absurdity of nostalgia?

Eventually, we tend to elude some songs from our Playlists that reminds us of our heartbreaks when we’re trying to move on because the more you listen to a song that reminds you of a significant person, the more you remember them. And the more you remember them, the more you remember the memories.

While the olfactory triggers emotional memories, the auditory triggers vivid memories

According to a researcher from the University of California, the region of the brain where memories of our past are supported and retrieved. It also serves as a hub that links familiar music, memories, and emotion. The hub is located in the medial prefrontal cortex region — right behind the forehead — and one of the last areas of the brain to atrophy over the course of the Alzheimer’s disease.

While the discovery may help explain why music can elicit strong responses from people with Alzheimer’s, you also would know whether or not you have moved on from a past lover with what the auditory triggers.

Yes, you read that right! You can get a hint of your moving on progression from your sense of hearing too. Whenever you listen to an old music that reminded you of someone, you will always – and always – feel the same thing no matter what. And, sometimes, an old music is a great assessment to know whether or not you have moved on yet or not.

If you still feel the same thing but care less, you’re halfway through it. But if you still feel the same like a fresh wound that hasn’t been applied Antiseptic Wound Remedy and band-aid on it, you’re still in it.

You won’t forget the feeling and the scenario

Flashbacks of the places, the memories and even the person itself would consume you. Right there, you’d feel like nostalgia is taking its toll. You’d feel like you’re at the same time and place regardless of how many years have passed.

If you hear Jason Mraz’s I Won’t Give Up randomly on a convenience store, or something that reminds you of how you and that certain person counted glow-in-the-dark stars in his room at 10 PM and feel the same, all of the memories you stuck behind your subconscious will come back. What’s more ironic is that you will feel like two years ago is just like yesterday.

You won’t be quick to realize that the person you used to have feelings for is the same person you moved on from today

When we move on from a person – as in move on like we really don’t care about him or her stability that much anymore – we usually disregard the recent events about their lives. But when an old song is played, you will automatically reminisce how it was like holding his hand for the first time, and probably what it felt like having your first kiss.

At the end of the day, you’ll just end up talking to yourself; realizing how much you fell in love with a man you’re finally moved on with. You’d be like, “Thank God I don’t feel the same anymore”, celebrating the inner peace within you. I mean you wouldn’t spend a lot to buy another heartbreak, would you?

You’ll realize you’re not the same person anymore

Pain inevitably changes people – whether for the better, or for the worse. When we have our hearts badly broken, we tend to become stronger, bolder, wiser and smarter.

When an old song you used to sing with a person plays on the radio, you will realize the changes that occurred. You will realize how weak you were, or how dumb you were when you were unconsciously or indirectly begging for an ex to stay, or how much you’ve pretended to be okay being your ex’s rebound girl on a girl he replaced you with.

With that, you will realize a lot of things have changed now. And if you did it for the better, you couldn’t be more proud of yourself because of a past experience you finally conquered and got over with.

Do not make an old song a hindrance of you becoming better. Just because it reminded you of something bad from the past, or something that breaks your heart, doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. It just means that you started out a new life with the constant change that is the only permanent thing in the world. It just means you started out a new life, with a new song… and a new set of playlists.

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Finding Mr. Right: Why We Should Believe That Forever Do Exist And How The Right Person Is Determined

“We fall in love by chance, we stay in love by choice.” – Anonymous

We all love the idea of falling in love. Moreover, we always wanted to love and be loved by someone we consider our significant other. But, how can we determine if he/she’s the right one? Could it be by how we wanted them to be? Or, how we’d like to end up with what we presumed them to be?

Finding the right person isn’t as easy as pie. We would go and experience a lot of heartbreaks first before reaching the finish line.

However, how are you sure you’d reach the finish line with the right person? Could that be easily determined? Would it be a good decision? Well, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to waste another time trying to work things out with the wrong person (again), would you? How could that be even possible? What if you have just mistaken him to be the right person when he actually wasn’t?

We all have this so-called, “stereotyping mindset” wherein we categorize a person by how they should act or what they should possess before engaging in a more upgraded level with us i.e matrimony. Some women (and men in particular) like to settle down with men (or women) who have looks, money, car, etc., that are obviously ephemeral; something some women (and men) think “ARE” the ones worth considering for.

Are they really the ‘right one’ men and/or women should settle down with? Was that true love, even?

Obviously, it isn’t.

It’s not – NEVER – about the looks and the money, ladies and gentlemen. Love is not about necessity. It’s about how you love the feeling of every 37, 843, 200 heartbeats of your annual existence; responding to your hypothalamus that determines. It’s about the feelings that are hardly explainable from within that explains, and the butterflies that rave in your stomach that proves. When you love a person, you just LOVE them. No ‘BUT-s’, no questions, no explanations, no reasons, no ‘because-s’, no anything – You just love them; because you feel them… and you’re happy with them. It’s not just about the compatibility you have with your significant other that validates, but the chemistry in your comfortableness with each other as well.

Externalizing the quote, “…that’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt…” (John Green. The Fault In Our Stars) otherwise, LOVE is the feeling that IS ALREADY FELT because it CEASES DEMAND (when you’re in love). You just have to assess the feelings, yourself. The more you find it hard to explain why you keep coming back to the same person over and over again is the time you realize how unexplainable and hard it is to find the right reasons to explain them. Love, per se, is subjective; not objective. It’s like a theory – conceptualized, yet ceases evidence.

How do we determine Mr. Right?

Personally speaking, finding Mr. Right is like finding an old coin you used to pay the ice cream man for a cone of ice cream and retrieving it back from the change of that dress you bought on a department store – you’ve already found them, but you weren’t able to see or notice them. Perhaps, you’ve seen them on the streets, but you were so eager to tie up your shoes because its lace got untied that a bus already passed by and blocked his way.

Fascinating, isn’t it?

Love is a wonderful feeling when you’re already at the right person’s arms. It happens when God’s plans and fate collide to have your ways cruised and have your paths crossed. It’s the thing we call, “SERENDIPITY” – You don’t plan them. It just happens. We love a person at the most unexpected way we’d anticipate them. We meet them at the most unexpected times. We disclose the event with what we call, ”DESTINY,” and that’s when the demand of love is felt.

How are we sure our significant other today is already the right one?

Simple.

You have to feel and assess your own feelings. You will know it’s the right person when you don’t just possess true love towards them, but contentment and comfortableness, as well. It’s when you can easily tell yourself, “Ah! He/She’s the one I want to be with someday” without hesitations and doubts of what could happen in the next years. It’s the feeling when you already fear nothing while embracing acceptance in any form of informality, and the feeling when you can clearly tell yourself that he/she’s the one not because they fulfill your needs, they have reached your standards, or they have the qualities you wished for in a partner, but because you love them, you’re comfortable with them, and you’re happy with them regardless of what both of you have encountered and surpassed in your previous years. Easier said than done, but if you assess yourself and your feelings, you’d get the picture of the emotion.

To be honest, I, still, am not in any stage of nearness towards my right man. I know someday we’d cross paths in the fiction I call my fairytale. Perhaps I have met him before he was too stubborn to take right. Whoever that person is, I’m sure I’d be lucky enough to experience serendipity one more time – this time, with the right person already. I’d be glad to tell the whole world how much of a fan I am of “destiny” for having us find each other one day. That would probably be the best ending I could offer the last chapters of my book. After all, serendipity doesn’t just happen in fairy tales, but in autobiographies as well.