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ELF 2019: Your Reason To Celebrate Valentines Day, Even If You’re Not In A Relationship

What’s good this coming Valentine’s day? Isn’t it the most awaited time of the month for couples and lovers out there?

Yep, I know. Everyone – who is in a relationship – has been waiting for it. Flowers, chocolates, gift ideas for your SOs – you name it! These are all that I’ve been seeing on my Newsfeed since the month of February started!

I also found it funny how bittersweet posts about Valentines’ day suddenly showed up. It’s like, February 14th is only exclusive to people who are in love; who are in a relationship, or married couples who want to celebrate.

I used to find it unfair that only people who are in this category can celebrate this once-in-a-year event. But thanks to HappyHut Productions’ ELF 2019EVERYONE can celebrate this on February 15th, even if you just got out of a relationship, is single, even heartbroken!

It’s also payday that day, so what’s not to love? 😂💖

Electric Love Fest 2019

Electric Love Fest (ELF) 2019 is a traditional and annual event in Legazpi city for people of ALL types of statuses – single, in a relationship, married, it’s complicated, and brokenhearted. It’s the event where you are given an opportunity to celebrate both your love and freedom along with good music, boozes, and happy people.

Here are the sacred codes for the event:

 

SINGLE: WHITE

MARRIED: BLUE

IN A RELATIONSHIP: RED

IT’S COMPLICATED: YELLOW

BROKENHEARTED: BLACK

Also, catch DJ KHAI of Pioneer DJ Philippines on this exclusive event!

“Touring across Asia as part of a pop group in the late 2000’s, Khai is now back in the Philippines steadily building her career as a DJ. as part of Tonedef Music, she’s also learning the ropes of music production and eyeing to release her own tracks.

Khai started her career as a spokesperson, hosting events for the country’s top brands.

The pop group, Kitty Girls are Hello Kitty Brand Ambassadress were on noontime TV shows

This time she straps on a pair of headphones to rock the metro’s top nightlife havens and serve her unique trifecta of music, performance, and skill set.”

Event Line-up

Electrique Love Fest 2019
February 15 2019, Friday at Chilo Bar – Roof deck
The Marison Hotel, Legazpi City PH
Gate Opens: 7:00pm

ARTIST LINE UP

KHAI LIM (Pioneer DJ Philippines)
RON
MHONDAY
BRIAN ALCANTARA
MACKY MOUSE

Entry Ticket Prices:

500php – Early Bird (Jan 25- Feb 11 2019)
700php – Regular Rate (Feb 12-15 2019)
Limited Slots Only
Call or Text: 09159767520

Presented by:

The Marison Hotel

Co-Presented by:

AB Business Club
Audio Evolution Pro Lights & Sounds
Policarpio Enterprises
Ocean Defenders PH
Train of Love & Kindness Foundation

Supported by:

Le Chere Events
Aim World
Effleurage Spa
Hired Killers Pest Control
Adobo Connection – Legazpi branches
Atty. Amorex “Gado” Raneses
Mayor Jorem Archangel

Media Partners

The Hobbyist Post (Online Blogger)
Glace Virtual Solutions

Powered by:

Happyhut Productions
Evo Philippines

What’s more is that AB Business Club – the club where all businesspeople come together in one group of companies through finance is soon to launch…

… as well as my first-ever Tagalog song composition, ‘Lalayo o Maghihintay?’ is soon to launch the day before (February 14, 2019) on iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, and 600 other stores worldwide too!

What are you waiting for?

Book your tickets now at 09159767520 and be on our official guest list at The Marison Hotel!

Get your early bird rates at 500 Php up until February 12, 2019! Regular rates at 700 Php apply after.

See you there! Happy Valentines Day!

self love
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Confessions Of A Hopeless Romantic: This Is Why I Don’t Regret Dating So Many Guys In The Past, Because It Taught Me Self-Love

I’m a hopeless romantic.

And being a hopeless romantic, especially in a sea of people playing filthy games called “modern dating,” is a special kind of torture. It’s impossible not to lose your self-love… or so I think.

Hopeless Romantics.

These people are the usually called, “marupok” in Filipino slang, referencing the English word, “breakable.” They easily fall for the people that never had the intention of loving them back because their hearts are full of love, they only want to “give.” They also invest all of themselves even in exchange for nothing just to ‘feel loved’ for a second or minute. And they usually come off as “easy to get” because a little amount from you feels like grand. They won’t, for a minute, second-guess or reconsider their situations, because loving you is just what’s on top of their mind.

Without noticing, this is how they put themselves in danger. And I, myself, couldn’t agree more.

Being a hopeless romantic is being the person who chooses to be naive because they always see the best in people. Quite the reason why they’re always called a “fool,” but these are the people who will choose to fight for you, even if you’re not worth fighting for in the first place.

They are the types of lovers who will choose to look right through you no matter what you’ve been through, or what culture had developed you. They see your heart before anyone else. And they will look right through it despite other people’s judgments.

In a society where people judge first based on the superficial, there are the “hopeless romantics” who dig deep into your heart first before appreciating what’s on the outside. And unless you’re not looking for a commitment or something serious, a hopeless romantic is the one who will make you feel truly loved.

I remember how people always judged me for having dated so many guys in the past because of my hopeless-romanticism. People thought I was too hungry for love, and sometimes, they thought I was just the typical kind of “flirt” who knew her way with boys. 

They never knew what I went through because of that, however. All they’ll ever tell you was how they “didn’t care.”

They never knew the trouble I faced when a new rumor was up. They never knew the heartbreak I overcame alone because I loved and trusted too much again. They never knew the pain I endured when I was already questioning my self-worth; asking why I always ended up like that. And they never knew how hard it was getting up every time I hit rock-bottom for the same old situation, believing it would be different this time around.

Consequently, they will never understand how I only wanted to have a fairy-tale kind of love story. How I wanted this daydream, wishing I’d “real-life” it someday. And they will never understand how hopelessly hopeful I just was to feel and experience that from every guy I meet through serendipity… even on Facebook chat.

Silly me.

I don’t know if there’s anyone who could understand the heart of a hopeless romantic, but they – we – are just the type of people who are, by definition, in love with love. Sometimes, we couldn’t foresee and determine what’s only the “idea” of it and what’s really it. Other times, we disregard both the idea and the reality because we only care about feeling it.

And because our kind is empathetic by nature and sees the beauty in just about everything, this includes the heart of a broken fuckboy who, to everyone’s eyes, only has the intention of toying with a woman.

Our kind knew there’s more to them than just that deep inside, that we don’t realize how we’re falling for a trap.

And when we get hurt, we knew we couldn’t do anything about it. Because in the eyes of people we chose it, but in our hearts, we knew we just felt like flowing with it.

self love

Bruised lips, soft skin, beige dress, and a heart that’s all over you.

In my case, the saddest part of it all was when I got toyed, and I never got to defend myself. I was always afraid of what the universe might cost me if I fight back. I never got to have vengeance because that wasn’t me. And the only thing I could do about it that time was to shut myself out… or vent it out using my passion or a hobby.

Although I did rant some of these on social media, it only made people think I was “guilty.”

I wasn’t there to defend myself from the critics. I didn’t care at first, of course, because I knew better about myself. I even cracked jokes about it, not thinking it would register differently to other people’s minds. And even if I knew myself better, I didn’t know that was my ticket to ruining myself in the long run, and it did affect my reputation entirely.

The aforementioned reputation preceded me until… last year? I’m not sure if until today I still do, but what I knew was that the more I spoke against it, the more I was perceived as “guilty.” 

And the more I ignored about it, the more I gave them opportunities to talk differently about me every day.

I never knew my place. I always appeared angry when I was still ranting on social media. I didn’t have any friends to talk to about this, and people judged me as an “attention-seeking whore.” They’ve never seen the agony I had to go through being in a tough situation over a guy who I never planned to like or date in the first place. Most especially, they’ve never felt the struggle of having no one to talk to about this dilemma, that I thought I only had Facebook to deal with it.

I am beyond thankful for my recent best friend, Kate, who listened to me every single day I had sad thoughts going on. She was the reason I stopped ranting on social media because I finally found someone in her who would actually listen. And she was the reason I was able to learn the essence of privacy because I hadn’t known that when I thought I should always “post” my side in defense to those destructive criticisms. Along with that, she taught me how to trust and muster up my courage because my other best friends were just waiting for me to hit up.

To be honest, no one realized this was what created all those rants. When these experiences and bottled-up feelings created a strong-ass, straightforward woman all along, they thought I changed for the worst, creating a monster out of me. Of course, that’s what they only saw. Even my former best friend of 12 years thought likewise hence the partition.

I don’t regret it though. Maybe it was for the best.

I also never knew this was going to be the reason why guys thought they could easily have me. I never knew one rumor could change everyone’s perspective about me.

The usual cycle goes like this.

I post a picture of me on social media, and a guy would either compliment me or chat with me because of that. I ignore them at first of course, until they make an “effort” to talk to me. Being a hopeless romantic myself who has no one to talk to except a “best friend” who only talked about her love life, those mere gestures were already grand. What can you say, that’s how the hopeless romantic’s heart operates  – always the appreciative ones.

… or maybe I just needed someone to talk to every day.

When I got to know them as days goes by, I feel like I have someone to “brag” about to keep up and ease my feelings of being “left out.” I also feel like, there’s someone who I can finally “talk to” about my thoughts and feelings …anxieties included (as per mentioned, I never had someone to talk to about things unlike today, because even the aforementioned former best friend hated me for posting too much).

And when a guy finally notice how I’m slowly falling for their gestures, they would want to meet up in person to test the compatibility. That’s not the case, most of the time, however. They would want to meet up so they could test the waters and see if the rumors about me were true. Sometimes, they would even want to have sex on the first date.

Guess what? That’s how I knew there wouldn’t be “Date number 2 or 3.” That’s how I knew I was going to be “ghosted.” And that’s how I also knew I was about to get stuck in an “almost relationship.”

And I wasn’t able to realize all of these then until today.

Because those rumors about me reflected otherwise, they knew they had to run away before they can even catch the disease  – my disease (err, feelings). What lesson I learned from all of this is to never give your heart out too easy to not lose yourself in the process. It’s really essential to get to know the person first, and my biggest mistake in all of these was I jumped quickly without testing the waters first.

Absorbing the wrong people’s energy and getting too familiar with them would make you change you to meet them halfway when it’s impossible. And when you change yourself for the wrong person, you slowly lose who you are and what you fight for, for their demands. When you do this, it’s impossible for you to find your way back, unless you go back to how you achieved ‘step one’ of your healing processes. And if you think step one was really hard to attain the moment you decided you wanted to heal, imagine how harder it would be going back at it again and again.

The only problem with me was that… I overlooked it. I hoped it wouldn’t be the same in every guy I dated. That’s why the “numbers” went high, and I gave me the reason why anyone has the right to call me that.

As time goes by, I realized… guys who say they want me just want to test the waters. And if they don’t want you enough to be with you, they’d save themselves the trouble of ever confronting with you.

I’m happy to be the person who doesn’t crave that much love from anyone today because I have learned to really love myself for good during the process.

I don’t understand, and I even feel bad about saying this, but when I lost that aforementioned “best friend,” I felt like the “pressure” of having a boyfriend went along with her. Maybe it was because she hasn’t really listened to what I have to say because her priorities were divided, or maybe it was just because I felt envious of her situation and she wasn’t sensitive enough to realize it, that I thought “being with a guy” was the way to keep up with her. Nevertheless, she was indeed a good friend  – a best friend if I can describe that entire 12 years we’ve been together, side-by-side. Maybe, it really wasn’t just meant to be. And it really had to take me losing her to finally figure out the lesson I had to learn all these years.

I’m glad I finally feel “free” from all that awful baggage I’ve been carrying all my life. Unlike before when I usually dwell on my heartbreak because my situation has been repetitive all these years, I’m glad I finally saw my worth this time. I’ve witnessed this myself when this Leo guy I loved has hurt me, and I neither ranted nor felt bad about it for a long time. Instead, I craved to be a better person than I was before, I yearned to be a stronger woman, and this time, a wiser one at that.

When one of my best friends showed me his picture together with his new girl together, I knew I finally moved on because I literally and sincerely wished him happiness and peace of mind. I knew that’s what he needed, and I genuinely wished him that. My heart feels happy for him, without losing my hopeless romanticism in me because that’s who I am.

All I can say right now is that I’m happy with the lesson, growth, am glad for my soul, and am extremely joyful for my heart. I don’t despise myself for having this kind of personality anymore, because to be honest, I figured, this is what makes me, me. ? And I believe someday I would be loved for this.

Thinking so, I guess this is what you call self-love. ?

God and the universe
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This Is How God And The Universe Taught Me Another Lesson, Because It Involved You Hurting Me

I never knew I would be capable of getting over someone faster than I was expecting all thanks to him. This was, in fact, another first.

He was a Leo. I was an Aries. The stars thought this was a good match, but all things had exceptions, and I think that’s where we both fell out.

We never dated. Because he chose to fool around… especially with me.

What we had was something I will never be proud of. We didn’t even meet right the way two people should meet on their first day of the meeting. We didn’t even establish what we were except for what setup we engaged in beforehand. I just loved him severely along the way, even if I knew I wasn’t meant to in the first place.

It started a year ago when I saw him at this party we’re all organizing in April. I was the new kid there, knowing no one but the host. I was sitting there, feeling out of place. Thank God there was this medical school intern guy and this thick, brown girl who saved me from boredom. It was a relief.

He was there. And I remember him wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt, denim pants, and white shoes; carrying a DJ controller on his right hand, and his left arm around a pretty, tall girl I can’t recall. I noticed him because he stood out from the rest. He looked handsome with a fair skin that glowed at night, kind of dashing, had the ‘swag’ factor in his charm and was speaking in good, modulated tone to that girl he was ‘talking’ to.

I didn’t bother at first. I just thought he looked good that night, and that I never have to see or even talk to him again…

…until that night I was invited to a birthday-slash-victory party with all the people who participated, hosted, and even organized to have a few shots, and was asked to sit beside him in front of the beers and homemade cocktails I told everyone I’m not drinking.

I don’t know what the main reason why he did this to me. We were just in the middle of being acquaintances and friends back then. 

I can still recall how we used to just talk every 2-3 months to know “what’s up” for a year. We only commented on each other’s posts and supported each other’s rants when we’re trying to be comical or dramatic. We would also always reminisce about the day we met at that party where he used to play EDM music for, in which I joked he ‘snubbed.’ And we’ve only seen each other again twice at Starbucks, one in which I photobombed in a picture he took with his friend in late Autumn.

I always knew I wasn’t his type. I knew he wouldn’t even second-guess about dealing with someone like me. I was completely okay with that. But he did make it happen with a simple, “I miss you” with a kiss emoji in late November.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you.”

I kept repeating that on my head before responding, “I miss you, too.” I mean, what’s there to miss? We don’t even hang out.

I went along with his games. I thought he was only being too, extra friendly because that’s how I observed him dealing with his “girl” friends online. It was only during early December when he did the same to me and at first, I didn’t mind.

I never saw this coming because of the mindset, “I’m not his type.” It was firmly stuck intact in my head all these times. All along, even though he was being too extra friendly, his ‘friendliness’ never did stand a chance on me. He started being sweet on comments, telling me to take care of myself and be safe until late December. It was fine then, but I’ve always thought… “Why with the emoticon, kiss?”

I just don’t understand why he had to change his mind. And why of all women more than willing to participate in his games more than I was, he chose me?

To be completely honest, though, I already saw the get-go coming. I just didn’t know it was going to be him… and that, he’d hurt me like that, either.

It was also in late December when, for the first time again in forever, my squad of five friends in college came to hangout complete two years after. We pigged out, got drunk, got drunk again, and went sober. Due to the drunkenness that made us both sober and wasted, we checked-in on an old, local, yet affordable lodge to stay in for the night.

That was also the night he chatted with me to talk. I was too busy hanging out with my friends to even reply to him with sensibility, that I left him unseen with my mobile data connection turned off.

I never really cared at first.

My friends and I arrived at around three in the morning with our wasted and sleepy faces on. We booked a dusty, old room with two beds on both sides, one on which a wall was painted yellow with animal characters on it… until I noticed something absurd.

The painting was a huge picture of a ram and a lion, sitting across the rocks and the lake.

It covered the entire walls of the room we booked, and I kept staring at it, questioning why the ram was with the lion instead of a bull. I’ve always had a crush on this Taurus guy back in Manila, and since his zodiac resembles like that of a bull and mine in ram, I found it a menace to see my animal sign with something else.

As per usual, however, I ignored it. I went on storytelling my craziest experiences with one of my best friends and slept through it afterward. But even before heading to bed, I kept wondering why there were a ram and a lion on that painting, not knowing it was the universe already speaking to me. At that time I didn’t know if it was a good sign or a warning. Perhaps, my psychic senses got drunk either and went to sleep with me.

It could have changed my life back then only if I was able to realize.

Fast forward to two to three days after, he randomly hit me up again and we went conversing about the most absurd stuff! I can’t believe we connected so deeply. I knew it was the first time I felt that.

We were talking about almost everything from the existence of mankind to the existence of aliens, politics, government, even memes. We were talking in a language that only both of us understood, that even if we spoke through GIFs and emojis, we’d still get to understand each other.

That was also the time when I knew he was born in late July… making him a Leo. 

And then it hit me. Something must be up!

I refuse (and am embarrassed) to even admit this, but I’ve always thought he was my soulmate. Maybe he wasn’t my “soul-soul” mate, but he was like someone I felt like I’ve known in my past life.

I never connected with anyone so deep like that ever since. I thought he was the one for what I felt (or so says my inner hopeless-romantic heart).

I never knew that was only… “that.” And I never knew it was for a reason.

We were almost talking about everything every day after establishing some “ground rules.” We even planned about traveling from out of town for three days and two nights and all that. However, despite all our deep connections, plans, and bullshit, I knew God, right there, interfered. I am a hundred percent sure He made a way for us to separate, and He made that happen first through DISTANCE… and then through COINCIDENCE.

I never planned on applying for another job (amidst the job I was already hired at but hasn’t started yet) here in my city. It was supposedly a job interview I’m scheduled to attend on another company, but since my best friend ditched me the last minute and it was too far away, I ended up ditching that interview either and went on to apply at this certain company where I got hired the same day.

After the onboard orientation, the job I really intended to work for has called me about my ‘start date’ moved from June 2018 to January 22.

Quick back story: I got hired at this company around September 2017. Since it wasn’t operational yet, I was asked to wait for a call for the start date. This was the reason why I applied for other jobs, and then this job I got hired on the spot.

At first, I was torn. I didn’t even know if I should pursue this seasonal job I’m only going to work for a month. But something encouraged me to still go because of a crush I met during the orientation (which is a different story). I also thought, “Why not attend this job first and when the real job finally calls for onboard (the latter company knows about this ‘real job’), I’d just go with it?”

I did as I thought. I never knew something should happen then, hence the extension of my stay in that city.

January 2018 was actually the year when the Mayon volcano was erupting for a week. The company (seasonal job) has decided to move out to its satellite site in Naga City. We worked for three more weeks there along with free meals, free accommodation, free shuttle service, and even had a laundry allowance. It was like, we just went three hours away from home to work where the only requirement needed was to bring ourselves!

I met awesome friends there. I even met a friend who I thought hated me for the first time. She kept embarrassing and bullying me sometimes, but in her defense, she was just like that with people she actually likes.

Fast forward, and the seasonal job was over, and I had to train a few miles away (Lipa City) from Naga City, then back at it again. I first trained for ‘the real job’ after the whole one month in the same city we moved out from in January. To cut the long story short, I stayed three hours far away from my city where he also resides a few kilometers away from January to April.

This is where I learned why God didn’t want us to be physically together!

He was such a lonely, broken man who desperately searches for love and acceptance. And when he doesn’t get that, he destroys whatever he can get his hands on, even a woman’s feelings. His weakness was his ego. And he was kind of manipulative and self-centered for that matter. Although he was really kind towards me the first time, I learned that it was fake thanks to this ‘bully friend’ I had from that seasonal job.

This is the COINCIDENCE I was talking about earlier.

Of all the people he has to meet on a dating app, trying to cheat and lie to me regardless of our usual rule number 2, it was REALLY THIS FRIEND he has to meet. And there, I learned what I had to learn eventually, allowing me to move on faster than I usually do before.

When I fell in love with him, he destroyed me by literally intending to hurt me using this friend I thought didn’t like me. For a moment there, I thought the universe was playing tricks on me because of all people… why her?

They planned on hurting me intentionally, making me jealous, and he even had a good laugh watching me cry my heart out for something I hadn’t seen coming. When this friend realized what was going on, she knew she had to step up. She told me everything, confessed, and came clean.

That’s when I realized how I was losing myself again slowly.

I missed taking care of myself. I missed going to the gym. I missed being energetic and hyper at work. I missed doing the things that I love. I missed hanging out with my true best friends. I missed my alone times. I missed laughing during pig-outs with my family. Most of all, I missed myself; the better person I became after I was severely damaged almost a year ago.

All of these, I lost, because I tried taking care of him. I loved him, gave him the things I thought he needed, even shouldered for him the baggage I thought he couldn’t carry anymore, even if I I knew I couldn’t carry those myself.

I did those voluntarily. I tried diverting all my attention to him. Most of all, because I learned how to love him even at his worst, darkest days, I realized how I wasn’t loving me anymore because I was allowing these to happen. 

But clearly, I know, it wasn’t him that I hated most for breaking my heart… it was me I hated for choosing it this way.

A piece of advice, folks.

Choosing a person to love will really affect you not just emotionally, but also mentally, physically, and spiritually. And when you choose the wrong person because of their idea, you give yourself directions on how to lose yourself.

When you choose a wrong person and absorb their energy trying to meet them halfway, you also absorb their toxicity, their vibe, their spirit, and their soul. And if we keep on choosing broken people trying and hoping we could at least lift them up when they (and we) knew we’re not the fix, we end up breaking ourselves.

Question is… what about us, now?

To be completely honest, he only wanted to be ‘friends with benefits’ with me. I don’t even know why I agreed, maybe even before he established the rules I already liked him. Thank God nothing severe happened due to my mandatory move out for work. I was saved 10x the trouble before I could actually realize.

You know, I got even depressed at first because I felt like I looked ugly after my sunburn from Calaguas Island. A friend took me with him there and tried to help me clear my mind instead of wallowing with sadness at home. Alongside, I was also battling over a major problem and stress at work. I didn’t know what to think first, really.

Nevertheless, I had the guts to improve myself instead than sulking over it.

Despite being torn about going jobless for a month or so to heal and staying at work to still appear “worthy,” I resigned to take care of myself and my mental health, I wrote a song and had two of them recorded, I bought online courses to improve my blog and my lifestyle business dream, I volunteered to organize a big event, and I even tried to learn new things like the DJ course I attended last August.

So far, aside from God, being amazing with all these coincidences and plans, I learned the greatest lesson here, and it’s always about really choosing yourself always. After I got broken, I knew I had to fix myself and keep going. I knew I had to improve myself and make better decisions the next time around.

And then, it hit me.

God did this!

While the universe aligned everything from the meetup to the fall down, God took care of me by piling up these events, while still making this lesson happen.

I was weak and stubborn enough to say, “no” to him when I knew I didn’t want to but didn’t know how to reject. Maybe God stitched these events so He could pull me away easier from him… maybe without me, noticing at first.

Everything, indeed, happens for a reason and I always believe that. Both God and the universe knew what type of person I was constructed and made. With a Moon in Leo and a Saturn in Pisces, God knew what he should do to avoid me getting all the damage AGAIN. The universe just thought it out by giving me heads-ups through its universal signs.

Perhaps, this is just how I think, but hey. What’s not to appreciate?

Life is beautiful, indeed. ???

To That Leo Guy,

I always knew you were a broken fuckboy who constantly search for love and acceptance. I just didn’t know you’d choose me instead among anyone else. I will never understand why you chose to do those things when I knew I just looked right through you. Nevertheless, I forgive you. 

We were meant to meet for a reason, and I was meant to love you for a lesson.

 

 

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This Is How You Love and Respect Yourself, As Told By Someone Who Had Lost And Found Herself The Hard Way

I have always confused “love” with “infatuation,” hence dating a bunch of guys. And although I had only loved two men for real half a decade, my reputation of being a ‘slut’ precedes me until today.

People, especially my best friends; let alone mom and dad, kept telling me to “love myself first” and to “respect myself.” I never knew what that bullshit meant before until I got my heart severely broken by a fuckboy who disrespected me in the cruelest way.

Before, when I was younger and naïve (like all of us were), I would always quickly jump into dating guys right after I knew them. And when I got my heart broken, I try to replace them with another man to ‘immediately’ ease the pain.

I was afraid of being alone back then, and the only thing I thought of doing to cease that hideous fact is to date. I also kept going back to exes who’ve hurt me over and over, just because they felt familiar… and “company.”

When the aforementioned fuckboy destroyed my reputation, verbally abused me, took away (some) of my money, and replaced me with another woman amidst the fall down three to four months ago, I realized a bunch of things that I haven’t in the past five years I’ve been dating. And when I did, I realized how much of a jerk I was to myself, leading me to finally understand what that “bullshit” from long ago really meant (loving and respecting yourself, as advised by my best friends and mom & dad).

What I’ve learned at this very moment of my life is that you can’t control what is or what will happen in your life, but you can always control how you can react along the process. Social media can’t help you brush those off. I mean, displaying a strong persona of a woman who ‘doesn’t easily succumb to her vulnerability’ doesn’t shrug that off. Because even if you keep posting how much of an ‘independent woman that doesn’t need a man’ you are but deep inside feels like a lonely little girl who needs loving, you’d be very much ‘full’ of all the words you’ve said (… or typed) when someone who makes you feel ‘loved’ comes along.

Loneliness is a bitch. It makes you do crazy things that destroy you. Let alone make you jump for impulsive bad decisions just so you could cope up with it. But let me tell you something: things are better off when you’re happy alone than lonely with someone else. And when you’re (already) happy alone, then you’re on the first step onto loving yourself more.

I honestly lost myself out there because of I felt lonely. As mentioned, I tried dating or going back to an ex just so I could cope up with it. But here’s the thing – when you lose yourself out there, your self-love and self-respect will start to slowly diminish. You’ll end up trying to find it from men to men, thinking their love is your way back. But it isn’t.

When you lose yourself out there, finding your way back is harder than the searching. You won’t even recognize you’ve already destroyed yourself in the first place, let alone along the process.

When you give everything of you without leaving some for yourself – or say, giving every piece of you to just anyone – you’re going to look for it elsewhere, most especially when you have nothing else to lose. Consider yourself buying a bag of bread from the last buck you own because you’re hungry, and when people who claim to be ‘hungry’ wanted some of it and thought you’d share, you ended up giving them the whole bag instead.  And because there’s no bread left for you and got hungry again then, you go along finding a piece of it from someone you think has one.

But the bread isn’t in them. It’s in you all along. You should have learned how to create bread first with the last buck you own before giving it all away.

In this metaphor, the bread is the act of “love.”  Finding, loving and completing yourself steps in when you know how to create one to suffice for yourself.  Since you’ll be needing a foundation of it, you will need to learn more about yourself.  And in the bread metaphor, investing the last buck you have into learning how to make one tells you that you should invest some time into knowing yourself deeply (before you can create one). Once you already know how to show that expertise, giving it away for free would never be a heartache.

When you find yourself and learn more about how to choose and empower you, you’d learn to give everything for the person you love, while making sure you have some for yourself. If he’s not the one? Then leave him be. Move on to the next. Same as when you know how to make bread, you wouldn’t mind giving it to the hungry people without losing one for yourself again. And when a person full of gluttony in his eyes asks you for one and wastes it? Well, at least you still know how to make one.

When I realized these things and compared them to my past relationships that kept repeating alongside my never-ending situation with different men, that’s when I knew what I lacked: self-love and self-respect. I didn’t know! I didn’t know where to start, or how was it done. All I knew for step one was I needed to invest my time for myself, learn how to be happy alone, and be really happy with the people that matter. I thought it was all about the how you should look, but actually, it’s all about how it should feel.

You know, redeeming yourself isn’t too late, though. You can always hit restart and start over with life. When you realize it’s time to walk away, and that you deserve better, you start loving yourself. And that’s what also constitutes self-respect – when you know how to love yourself now.

I’ve realized all of this when for the first time in forever, I haven’t gone dating other men to stitch my wounds and heal my broken heart. I realized I could be happy alone when I started hanging out more with my friends and family instead. Along the process, came the greatest price of all. And I’d never trade this one for anything in the world.

So here’s the thing: when you love someone, you don’t destroy them. You nurture them. At the same time, if you love yourself, you won’t destroy you or do anything that could potentially destroy you either. Do not ever go back to the person you don’t deserve, or settle for someone because loneliness keeps kicking in. Instead, do the things that make you happy. Nurture yourself. Pamper yourself. Put yourself first. Make yourself feel good. Choose you – always you. And stay the hell away from those losers who only want something out of you.

Self-respect comes in next. When you love yourself, you stay away from the things that are bad for you. In my case, I came to realize this when that fuckboy from four months ago tried to reconcile and be friends with me after all the disrespect and social media disses. I realized, “why should I be friends with someone who caused too much pain in the ass after using and destroying me?” You wouldn’t believe how good it felt when I finally said, “no.” I felt empowered. I felt like a badass, lady-boss. And in that moment, I felt what self-respect was after all those years.

I am telling you my story because I don’t want this experience and ‘once in a lifetime’ lesson to be put to waste. I have always learned things the hard way, especially this one, and this is the least I could do to contribute to mankind: write my lessons. And my dear, if you’re struggling enough to love and respect yourself (may it be because of anxiety and/or past experiences), don’t ever wait for a fuckboy to destroy you just so you’d ‘know’ what it is. This saying may be too overrated, but it is entirely true that you should know what you really do deserve and give yourself the same kind of love you give to others (hell, I believe you should be giving yourself more!). Remember, your mother didn’t struggle enough to push you out of her womb, gave you everything she has, and nurtured you to be the woman you are now, just to be destroyed by someone (err, a fuckboy for instance) who never gave many contributions to your life on the first place.

You deserve better. Always always always remember that.

Thank you to the ones who never gave up on me: BEST friends, family, and the people I never thought nor expected to stick around. You guys rule!

 

 

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3 Things A Sentimental Girl Does When She’s In Love

Women are vulnerable. And by vulnerable, I mean they carry their fragility out by cherishing the people they love. When a girl cherishes someone in her life, she will always remember that person no matter how much you’ve done to her in the past. She will never compromise your memories because for her, you existed in her life, you made her happy, and you should not be forgotten. This makes them very sentimental of the things they receive from you. Isn’t it fascinating when someone remembers you for the simple things you did and made her feel?

sentimental

Photo credits to Google

Sentimental women do not just cherish and take good care of the moments you’ve shared together. They also value them, and treat them like a souvenir, as if it would be the last sunset they’d ever see in their waking lives – they cherish things more than you think. I have three things here of what a sentimental girl does when she’s in love:

1. She’ll work you into her passions

She can write you a song. She can write a 7-verse poetry about you. More so, she can write an article about you. Whatever it is she can do for you using her passion, she can definitely pour her heart out being you, as her muse.

The most sentimental women I know end up writing a song for the people they love (just as I do). While you give her the best memories in your relationship, you wouldn’t have any idea how much she can creatively translate your day into three to five minutes. She can write your love story in one sitting. And she can beautifully translate her emotions into a fine melody you also can jive with.

She will write a song for – and about you – because this will remind her that you and your memories together existed; that you and your love existed. She would want you to remember her existence; as a person, and as the girl who could love you more than anything in the world.

2. She can show you the world through her vision

And by that, I mean, she will open up her heart to you in her most vulnerable state, and speak up her mind in her most intellectual self.

When a sentimental woman is on the verge of her vulnerability, she will most likely tell you all the most amazing things in the world like how much she feels about you. She will tell you how beautiful your eyes are metaphorically, or describe your scent and appeal poetically.

She will speak up her mind about what she thinks about you and will tell you what’s on her mind to show you what it’s like in her world. She will bring you to her galaxy, and you wouldn’t consider yourself a speck of dust, because you’re her brightest star.

When you feel the intensity of her heartbeat, you wouldn’t need a stethoscope to know what she feels. You’d just know it deep within her eyes. And when you see the sincerity in her eyes, you wouldn’t have to consult an ophthalmologist to assure her 20/20 vision. You are her vision, and that’s what makes her world clearer and transparent. Just take the time to look.

3. She keeps a collection of your memories together

And will cherish it, even if you choose to leave in the end.

Whether if it’s the box of McDonald’s fries you bought for her at breakfast or that plastic wrapper of Hershey’s chocolate you gave her on Valentine’s Day, she will always pin it up on her bulletin board to remind herself of what you two did that very day. Sometimes, she’d add dates to every remembrance she collects because this will serve as something she can look back at in the future.

Everyone wants someone so pure, innocent and honest, and a sentimental girl is someone whom you should start with. You will love her for her purity because her vulnerability itself is what makes the whole package of her honesty and sincerity. You wouldn’t have to worry about infidelity, because this is what loyalty starts with: in honesty. Moreover, a vulnerable woman possesses the entirety of it.

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How Music Has Something To Do With Nostalgia

music

Photo courtesy of Google

Music has been a great part of our lives. It comforts us during the rainy seasons and even when we feel like loathing for a recent breakup. Without music, the whole world would be plain and boring.

According to Psychcentral.com, music unquestionably affects our emotions. We tend to listen to music that reflects our mood. When we’re happy or overjoyed, we dance and enjoy ourselves to some upbeat music. We express our happiness by dancing to dubstep mixes perhaps by DVBBS and Borgeous. Sometimes, if we’re mad or angry, we consume ourselves with some dark rock music that reflects our level of anger. And whenever we loathe or sulk in during the cold stormy nights, we listen to sad and slower music to understand and interpret the lyrics and its meaning as if we relate our whole lives in it because to tell you, the whole world of reality lacks one thing: A Background Music.

Kidding aside, most of us love music or simply just loves to listen to music. If you take away music in a musically inclined or a music lover’s life, you’re like locking away a man on a white room with white walls and white ceilings for a month. Who else wouldn’t go crazy from that? Silence is deafening!

When we choose what to put on our playlist, we always make sure that the melody is either danceable or catchy, and the lyrics be relatable or both. That’s the reason why we often tend to give our friendships, relationships, and even an important persona theme song. Eventually, they are what we remember whenever certain songs are played on the radio, until we couldn’t get them out of our heads even after months or years have passed. Talk about the absurdity of nostalgia?

Eventually, we tend to elude some songs from our Playlists that reminds us of our heartbreaks when we’re trying to move on because the more you listen to a song that reminds you of a significant person, the more you remember them. And the more you remember them, the more you remember the memories.

While the olfactory triggers emotional memories, the auditory triggers vivid memories

According to a researcher from the University of California, the region of the brain where memories of our past are supported and retrieved. It also serves as a hub that links familiar music, memories, and emotion. The hub is located in the medial prefrontal cortex region — right behind the forehead — and one of the last areas of the brain to atrophy over the course of the Alzheimer’s disease.

While the discovery may help explain why music can elicit strong responses from people with Alzheimer’s, you also would know whether or not you have moved on from a past lover with what the auditory triggers.

Yes, you read that right! You can get a hint of your moving on progression from your sense of hearing too. Whenever you listen to an old music that reminded you of someone, you will always – and always – feel the same thing no matter what. And, sometimes, an old music is a great assessment to know whether or not you have moved on yet or not.

If you still feel the same thing but care less, you’re halfway through it. But if you still feel the same like a fresh wound that hasn’t been applied Antiseptic Wound Remedy and band-aid on it, you’re still in it.

You won’t forget the feeling and the scenario

Flashbacks of the places, the memories and even the person itself would consume you. Right there, you’d feel like nostalgia is taking its toll. You’d feel like you’re at the same time and place regardless of how many years have passed.

If you hear Jason Mraz’s I Won’t Give Up randomly on a convenience store, or something that reminds you of how you and that certain person counted glow-in-the-dark stars in his room at 10 PM and feel the same, all of the memories you stuck behind your subconscious will come back. What’s more ironic is that you will feel like two years ago is just like yesterday.

You won’t be quick to realize that the person you used to have feelings for is the same person you moved on from today

When we move on from a person – as in move on like we really don’t care about him or her stability that much anymore – we usually disregard the recent events about their lives. But when an old song is played, you will automatically reminisce how it was like holding his hand for the first time, and probably what it felt like having your first kiss.

At the end of the day, you’ll just end up talking to yourself; realizing how much you fell in love with a man you’re finally moved on with. You’d be like, “Thank God I don’t feel the same anymore”, celebrating the inner peace within you. I mean you wouldn’t spend a lot to buy another heartbreak, would you?

You’ll realize you’re not the same person anymore

Pain inevitably changes people – whether for the better, or for the worse. When we have our hearts badly broken, we tend to become stronger, bolder, wiser and smarter.

When an old song you used to sing with a person plays on the radio, you will realize the changes that occurred. You will realize how weak you were, or how dumb you were when you were unconsciously or indirectly begging for an ex to stay, or how much you’ve pretended to be okay being your ex’s rebound girl on a girl he replaced you with.

With that, you will realize a lot of things have changed now. And if you did it for the better, you couldn’t be more proud of yourself because of a past experience you finally conquered and got over with.

Do not make an old song a hindrance of you becoming better. Just because it reminded you of something bad from the past, or something that breaks your heart, doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. It just means that you started out a new life with the constant change that is the only permanent thing in the world. It just means you started out a new life, with a new song… and a new set of playlists.

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Finding Mr. Right: Why We Should Believe That Forever Do Exist And How The Right Person Is Determined

“We fall in love by chance, we stay in love by choice.” – Anonymous

We all love the idea of falling in love. Moreover, we always wanted to love and be loved by someone we consider our significant other. But, how can we determine if he/she’s the right one? Could it be by how we wanted them to be? Or, how we’d like to end up with what we presumed them to be?

Finding the right person isn’t as easy as pie. We would go and experience a lot of heartbreaks first before reaching the finish line.

However, how are you sure you’d reach the finish line with the right person? Could that be easily determined? Would it be a good decision? Well, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to waste another time trying to work things out with the wrong person (again), would you? How could that be even possible? What if you have just mistaken him to be the right person when he actually wasn’t?

We all have this so-called, “stereotyping mindset” wherein we categorize a person by how they should act or what they should possess before engaging in a more upgraded level with us i.e matrimony. Some women (and men in particular) like to settle down with men (or women) who have looks, money, car, etc., that are obviously ephemeral; something some women (and men) think “ARE” the ones worth considering for.

Are they really the ‘right one’ men and/or women should settle down with? Was that true love, even?

Obviously, it isn’t.

It’s not – NEVER – about the looks and the money, ladies and gentlemen. Love is not about necessity. It’s about how you love the feeling of every 37, 843, 200 heartbeats of your annual existence; responding to your hypothalamus that determines. It’s about the feelings that are hardly explainable from within that explains, and the butterflies that rave in your stomach that proves. When you love a person, you just LOVE them. No ‘BUT-s’, no questions, no explanations, no reasons, no ‘because-s’, no anything – You just love them; because you feel them… and you’re happy with them. It’s not just about the compatibility you have with your significant other that validates, but the chemistry in your comfortableness with each other as well.

Externalizing the quote, “…that’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt…” (John Green. The Fault In Our Stars) otherwise, LOVE is the feeling that IS ALREADY FELT because it CEASES DEMAND (when you’re in love). You just have to assess the feelings, yourself. The more you find it hard to explain why you keep coming back to the same person over and over again is the time you realize how unexplainable and hard it is to find the right reasons to explain them. Love, per se, is subjective; not objective. It’s like a theory – conceptualized, yet ceases evidence.

How do we determine Mr. Right?

Personally speaking, finding Mr. Right is like finding an old coin you used to pay the ice cream man for a cone of ice cream and retrieving it back from the change of that dress you bought on a department store – you’ve already found them, but you weren’t able to see or notice them. Perhaps, you’ve seen them on the streets, but you were so eager to tie up your shoes because its lace got untied that a bus already passed by and blocked his way.

Fascinating, isn’t it?

Love is a wonderful feeling when you’re already at the right person’s arms. It happens when God’s plans and fate collide to have your ways cruised and have your paths crossed. It’s the thing we call, “SERENDIPITY” – You don’t plan them. It just happens. We love a person at the most unexpected way we’d anticipate them. We meet them at the most unexpected times. We disclose the event with what we call, ”DESTINY,” and that’s when the demand of love is felt.

How are we sure our significant other today is already the right one?

Simple.

You have to feel and assess your own feelings. You will know it’s the right person when you don’t just possess true love towards them, but contentment and comfortableness, as well. It’s when you can easily tell yourself, “Ah! He/She’s the one I want to be with someday” without hesitations and doubts of what could happen in the next years. It’s the feeling when you already fear nothing while embracing acceptance in any form of informality, and the feeling when you can clearly tell yourself that he/she’s the one not because they fulfill your needs, they have reached your standards, or they have the qualities you wished for in a partner, but because you love them, you’re comfortable with them, and you’re happy with them regardless of what both of you have encountered and surpassed in your previous years. Easier said than done, but if you assess yourself and your feelings, you’d get the picture of the emotion.

To be honest, I, still, am not in any stage of nearness towards my right man. I know someday we’d cross paths in the fiction I call my fairytale. Perhaps I have met him before he was too stubborn to take right. Whoever that person is, I’m sure I’d be lucky enough to experience serendipity one more time – this time, with the right person already. I’d be glad to tell the whole world how much of a fan I am of “destiny” for having us find each other one day. That would probably be the best ending I could offer the last chapters of my book. After all, serendipity doesn’t just happen in fairy tales, but in autobiographies as well.